Fantasy is fantasy, yes?

Like most couples, we have always fantasised in bed. We each have our own "portfolio", of which more another time, and over the years we settled on about half a dozen we both seemed to get off onto.

Half of Rob's involved me with other men.

There are many different scenarios. Me being picked up in a bar while he went to the gents. Me going out to dinner with a man while Rob was away on business. Even Rob and an unnamed stranger, pleasuring me together. We even had a few porn tapes showing what two or more men could do to a girl (and yes, watching them sure did it to me).

So should I have been surprised when he he waited until we were out of bed to ask if I would consider taking a lover?

Well, I was. I considered our fantasy life just that: fantasy. I certainly didn't expect him to act out my fantasies in real life (especially that one with the, er, oh never mind), and I didn't think he seriously wanted to make his reality. But here he was, sitting opposite a restaurant take (we'd gone out for an early dinner and a show on our anniversary), actually asking me if I wanted to go to bed with another man, and if I did, well, he'd be OK with it.

I must confess, I didn't believe him. I laughed. I tried to change the subject, and when he notice how uncomfortable I was, he just said, "OK, well, just think about it and let me know what you feel". And left it at that. So think about it I did. I tried to come up with reasons for him to want this. Did he not love me, did he want me to find another and leave him, had he found another woman, was he trying to tell me something? And after a couple of weeks, I put all my questions to him, and he answered.

Yes, he loved me. No, he didn't want to sleep with other women. No, he definitely didn't want me to leave. He was giving me permission to enjoy myself, if I wanted, and add another dimension to our marriage. Other couples did it, he said, and it increased intimacy. Look, he could show me.

And show me he did. Websites, blogs, bulletin boards, chat rooms. He'd done his research, I gave him that, and I let him give me a guided tour. And then left me to it again. I read, and I asked a few questions under assumed names, and gradually, I was reassured. I thought some of the behaviour rather extreme - men wanting their wives to father children with black men seemed a rather popular theme - but there did seem to be an area where mutual respect, intimacy and, yes, sanity could prevail.

And so, eventually, after many weeks, I said, yes, OK, let's see what we can do. Did you think that was the end of the matter? Oh, no. Rob is a details man. And there were a lot of details.

How do we feel about details? Should I continue?