Dilemma, negotiated

The past twenty four hours have just brought home to me how my marriage has changed.

It started with a text, my "personal" phone giving a gentle buzz, not enough to draw widespread attention but enough for me to feel it, in the pocket of the bag at my feet. The meeting was dull, nothing much more than someone reading out his large stack of carefully written Powerpoint slides - something I could have done for myself, frankly - so I took a chance and surreptitiously slid it out to take a look.

"I can get away tomorrow. How do you fancy a sleepover?"

It's been a week since we met, our first meeting, my first meeting even, and I'm still floating slightly from the experience. But that was an afternoon, an interlude from my real life and then back to a husband who'd been occupied with work and children. We've talked about me staying away for a night, but we both saw it as "sometime, maybe" thing. Now I was being asked to decide now.

Two texts in succession. To The Lover: "Sounds divine, but hold your horses until I've checked". To Rob: "How would you feel if I spent tomorrow night away?". Within minutes, I get "OK", and "I don't know, how would you feel?".

Good question.

Meeting over, and it's back to my office, and quick "I need five minutes" to Cheryl, and with the door shut I call Rob.

"How would you feel, left alone all night?"

"Not sure. Lonely. But that's not the point. What's he suggesting, and are you comfortable with it?"

"I haven't spoken to him, but I would imagine he'd get a room somewhere, we'd have dinner and then do whatever took our fancy until morning. I just think it's too fast, though."

"So do I. You've been good at taking your own pace over this, and your instincts have been good so far. It might be better for you to play a bit hard to get over this."

"Thing is ...", and I'm biting my lip here, "I would quite like to see him. I'm just not sure I could wake up in the morning and go straight to work from his bed."

And so Rob goes into his practical mode, going through the options and just letting me know what the possibilities are. A quick call to The Lover, and it's decided. I'll see him from work tomorrow (that is, today), and then go home around midnight. Rob would rather pick me up from the hotel - a nice one quite near where I work - so I can drink and not worry, and also take me to work in the morning so I don't have to leave the car.

How many women, especially my age, have two men working out such detailed logistics just for my pleasure. Oh yes, and theirs also.

And that's how I found myself this morning packing a bag with things for an evening out and a night in. It's sitting in the corner of my office, and Cheryl has already asked if I'm off somewhere on holiday. I can't risk someone seeing me picking me up from here, so a five minute taxi to the hotel (where I'm told the room is already waiting), and I'll be in another world for a few hours.

Half an hour to go. I'm already damp. Do you want to know how this all came about?